Last Day of School

May 26, 2016

Although this week started off with me expecting to come in for one day of finals to take my Physics final, the stars aligned and I officially have no finals. With the exception of graduation, today is the last day I’ll step foot into Vernon Hills High School (as a student) and it was bittersweet.

I went into senior year not expecting much. I had already cried my share last year as all the then-seniors graduated; those were people who I had spent 2-3 years with, and especially from my time with many in wind ensemble, I had grown incredibly close. The whole flute section, with the exception of myself and one other junior, was comprised of seniors, and this year was the year of rebuilding, not only for the flute section, but for the band itself, as many talented seniors left and were replaced with equally talented underclassmen who merely lacked the years of experience and the maturity that comes with it.

Wind ensemble certainly had a different dynamic this year. Perhaps it was because as a senior, I reaped the benefits of hanging out in Sundell’s office (it was too crowded last year), but height was not a factor as many of the underclassmen were actually taller than me. There was this vitality and energy in the band, different from what had existed before. Less people were on their phones, but that meant more people were focusing on the music and more people were present during our 50-minute rehearsals.

Pep band and drumline were lackluster because we did lose talented percussionists and our brass section had basically graduated. But over the year, as we went through the arduous process of learning how to listen to each other and fit together as a band, we did it. We struggled less and less each rehearsal to blend our sounds and sounded more and more unified each time.

Even though we didn’t win Superstate, I’m proud of how much this new band has accomplished this year. In spite of some moments when I felt so old, there were far more moments when I was laughing because these underclassmen are so energetic and always make me smile. And though I was certainly more involved as section leader this year because I had to teach the ropes to 5 flutes new to wind ensemble, the bonds I’ve built with them are truly something magical.

And so thank you, thank you to everyone in wind ensemble this year, thank you to the flute and oboe sections, thank you to Sundell. Thank you to everyone I’ve been with this year, whether senior, junior, sophomore, or freshman, and thank you to the incredible teachers who have given us seniors some small leeway because senioritis certainly hit hard.

It was a rush today to take pictures, sign yearbooks, hug and cry, but I managed to fit it all in. Oh yes, I cried. I think I surprised even myself with how easily and violently the tears came and kept flowing, but they were well-deserved tears.

After loitering around in the school lobby after the dismissal bell rang, some senior friends and I went to Coldstone to get some ice cream, sat around and avoided going home for as long as we could. Later that night, we crashed Ally’s house and made Korean pancakes (hottareuk?) and avoided talking about how we would miss each other and how time seems to be flying by too fast (or rather, Isaiah molded the pancakes, I put in the filling, and Aiden cooked them, while everyone else roamed around the house and probably went to find Ally’s cat who hates people). Words and sentiments can be felt though, and I think I saw that vulnerability in everyone’s eyes as we stalled going home and stalled parting ways, even if it was only temporarily, even if we still had the summer left with each other.

My friends and I generally don’t like taking pictures. Both taking pictures or having pictures taken of us. But I know that I’ve smiled for the camera a lot more this year and pulled out my phone more to capture some memories, and I know that my friends have done the same as well. I do feel a sharp ache to see my friends do this, and I don’t quite know why, but it almost makes me cry when I see Ally surreptitiously (or not really) trying to take pictures…almost.


[pictures to come, check back on this post soon!]

Tchaikovsky

May 25, 2016

Not only was today the last orchestra concert of the year, both Pam and Seri had their senior solos as well. Pam played the Tchaikovsky Piano Concerto No. 1 Mvmt 3 while Seri played Tchaikovsky Variations on a Rococo Theme for Cello and Orchestra.

It was stressful preparing 3 concertos simultaneously (the Symphony Orchestra had to accompany Seri, Pam, and me for the last two music concerts of the year), and rehearsing had been a little rocky trying to accommodate all three musicians (and the two weeks of AP testing).

I wasn’t nervous for myself, but I was nervous for them and was anxious for everything to turn out okay. Knowing that the concert was livestreamed didn’t help, but I also reminded myself that there’s a lot of blind trust when it comes to performances because you just have to believe that all the rehearsing paid off. I know that Pam was just shaking her arms out and walking around to try to calm her nerves, while Seri sat in a room and meditated.

It maybe helped lessen the pressure because the concert’s theme was “videogame music,” but, at least for me, I was still tense and it didn’t help that there was a thunderstorm raging outside.

In performances, there’s a delicate balance of being present, but not overthinking things. As Pam put it best, right before she walked onstage, “I just need to relax and not think, otherwise I’ll play the wrong notes.”

Pam performs first of the two solos and sitting at the grand piano, center stage in her navy and taupe dress, she is a sight to behold. She elegantly delivers an energy-filled performance and I breathe a sigh of relief as one concerto is done. One more left.

Seri strides barefoot onto the stage in her taupe and ivory dress, and with her head bent over the neck of her cello, she pours out a soulful piece that would make even Tchaikovsky proud. Certainly the heavens agreed, as rumbles of thunder and the pattering of rain were audible during the quiet sections of Roccoco.

As our concert wraps up with the Symphony Orchestra playing a few videogame soundtracks, my mind goes on autopilot as I try to soak in the last few notes I’ll ever get to play in this auditorium. Videogame music is certainly not the most inspirational music for a moment like this, but other pieces, both orchestral and band, float through my head, and I know that these past 4 years have been worth every single note.

[pictures to come!]

Poem for Flute and Orchestra

May 18, 2016

If you had asked me 9 years ago when I touched a flute for the first time, “What do you plan on accomplishing with the flute?” 4th grade Lucy would have looked at you oddly. Flute was and continues to be a hobby, and call it a lack of dedication or sheer laziness if you want, but I never ended up entering in very many music competitions.

Music is intrinsically linked to history and geography, and flute has taken me to places and eras I would otherwise only be able to visit in my dreams. I could never have predicted my current intense love-hate relationship with piccolo or how my heart thrums each time I hear the Danse Sacrale from Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring. Music is personal, yes, but it’s also communal, and it’s because of music that I’ve met such incredible people.

It sounds cheesy, but flute has been a constant through all the turbulent and angsty (ha) years of middle school and high school. Though I’m not majoring in music, I do plan on continuing to play the flute (because I couldn’t bear to think of my future without music as the backdrop). It was an absolute honor to stand on my high school’s auditorium stage at my last high school band concert and perform a piece that is quite unique.

I was first formally introduced to tone poems my freshman year when I joined my high school’s Wind Ensemble for the Illinois SuperState Concert Band Festival. Our Wind Ensemble played a band transcription of Strauss’ Till Eulenspiegel (it’s actually Till Eulenspiegel’s Merry Pranks but that’s a very long name). I never tired of hearing the French horn solo, but I was oddly most captivated by the head chopping scene. Sundell, our band director, had told us how Till Eulenspiegel was a tone poem; Till is a prankster and the piece is jolly because it details all the mischief he causes, but at the end, it gets turbulent because he’s finally caught and is being led to the guillotine. What Sundell failed to tell us, and what we found out from a guest conductor, was that the scene of four thudding quarter notes was not Till’s fading final heartbeats, but instead his head getting chopped off (the Eb clarinet (Till) screaming on the high concert Bb and B), and then bouncing off the platform.

I’ve never looked at music in the same way ever since.

Charles Griffes’ Poem for Flute and Orchestra is a tone poem (obvious from its title), but it doesn’t paint a specific story or scene, and that’s the beauty of it. I have my own storyline I’ve crafted, which helps me play each section in the right character, but then the listener hears an entirely different story, and with an audience of ten, thirty, seventy, a hundred people or more, there exists many many more interpretations, all stemming from my original interpretation. That’s quite something.

It was my first and last time playing a concerto with an orchestral accompaniment. It was my first and last time playing a concerto for this many people. I teeter-tottered between nervousness unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, and utter passivity. Although I think the latter was self-imposed subconsciously so I wouldn’t actually pass out or trip or drop my flute because my hands got too slick from sweat. Although it was a band concert, my concerto was with orchestra (again, obvious from its title) and half of what got me through my senior solo performance was forcing myself to imagine that the auditorium was empty, not full. Empty like it was earlier today, during soundcheck, when Sundell sat in the otherwise empty auditorium, in the middle of all the seats, slouching slightly as he made sure that even my quietest note was audible over the orchestra. I’ll admit, I had my eyes closed for the majority of my performance because I didn’t want to get even more nervous from seeing all the seats filled and even the walkways filled with people, even though they were people who want only the best for me, because I didn’t know where to look if I had my eyes open because I have a tendency to un-focus my gaze and stare or space out, but most importantly, because I was trying to imagine and truly feel the same way I did during the soundcheck, I wanted to see Sundell’s lanky frame folded into a seat, to see his lone figure surrounded by empty maroon chairs, all of them folded up because only Sundell was in the audience.

Some point during the last 3 minutes or so of the piece, one little worry quickly flickered across my mind: did I skip some measures, because I’m nearing the end of the piece and this all went by way too quickly. My ears perked up a bit; I’m still with the orchestra, surely I’ve played all the measures. I’m nearing the end of the piece, and it’s not until I put my flute down, bow, that I realize my body is internally shaking (not visibly noticeable).

And so it ends, closure of my high school flute career. It couldn’t have ended on a better note; the auditorium was filled with people near and dear to my heart, people I was proud and honored to play for, people who the least I could do to repay them for all they’ve done for me, was to play this one piece for them.

After my performance, there was the annual Band Seniors’ gifts to our band conductors and band mom, and then Wind Ensemble played the piece they performed at Superstate this year: Berlioz’s Symphony Fantastique. Which funnily enough, also contains a head-chopping scene, and is also a tone poem. To close the concert, there was the continued tradition of the Senior Video, and then it was all over.

It has been an absolute honor to play in Wind Ensemble under Sundell and every single piece we’ve played has a special place in my heart, especially Karel Husa’s Music for Prague 1968. From Mass Band (a band festival where all the high schoolers join all the local middle schoolers in one massive ensemble), to Superstate, from the freezing bleachers during pep band to the warm stage lights of the auditorium, VHHS Wind Ensemble has provided me with countless memories I will treasure forever.

Below is a recording of my senior solo, if you’d like to take a listen:

http://thecube.com/event/may-band-concert-2016-648558

my senior solo starts @ 53:05

First High School Dance

May 14, 2016

I don't consider kick-off to be the first high school dance I went to firstly because it is casual attire (t-shirt, jeans), and also because I only attended for the lip-sync portion (went to McDonalds with friends before lip-sync and left the dance as soon as it was over and hung out with friends at Baskin Robbins).

Therefore, Prom was my one and only high school dance I've attended, and despite it being super stressful and expensive, it was worth it...but only as my first dance and only during my senior year, for me personally.

Tons of pictures got posted on Facebook but I'll share a few below. Also here are a few notes:

1. Bouquets are hard to make. But making them saves money. Massive props to Seri's mom for helping me.
2. I cannot do makeup. I have never worn makeup before prom and I don't think I will as an everyday thing ever. I gave up on eyeshadow/eyeliner/eyestuff. I was so hopeless that my mom had to intervene and just do my makeup for me and I wore minimal makeup.
3. My hair was unusually cooperative and managed to dry straight and look nice. Magic. I don't know how I did it but I would love to know so I could channel that magic again in the future.
4. 3-inch heels are deadly. I was also dumb enough to wear them while trying to dance and it was only 30 minutes of excruciating pain that I realized I should just go barefoot, which I gladly did for the rest of prom.
5. I am a klutz. I managed to slip 3 times on my dress because it was long (and I was going barefoot). I am also awkward and I have no idea how to dance.
6. The music is deafening. My ears were ringing afterwards. I also live under a rock and consequently, knew none of the lyrics to any of the songs.
7. On the other hand, my friend Isaiah mouthed the lyrics to all the songs and even rapped Fancy by Iggy Azalea.
8. Prom is fun, but exhausting.

And below are some photos. I had several bruises on my right arm from a few weeks ago that I couldn't quite conceal (I crashed into a door several times while trying to open it...I also failed several times, hence the bruises from the door handle).

Emotional

May 12, 2016

Yesterday was Cabaret and even though I'm not in choir, I still felt that oppressive sense that everything is coming to a rapid end. The theme was Post-1950s Musicals and that meant there were quite a few Wicked songs but everyone was incredible. Voice Male performed "Trashin' the Camp" from Tarzan and Kenny's wolf howls were hilarious.

Zac sang "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" from Les Mis and I found myself crying not only because Zac's voice is amazing (and eeee I'm so happy he's going to Northwestern for a double degree in Vocal Performance and Econ!), but also because the song is incredibly sad and he performed it so well. Stephie, Aubrey, and Rey performed the "I Love You Song" from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee and it wasn't till the end of the song when I understood the meaning (because I don't know the musical) and then that was when I gasped. "Chimerical. C-H-I-M-E-R-I-C-A-L. Highly unrealistic, wildly fanciful."

When Stephanie and Kyra sang "For Good," I really did cry a bit. Hearing the song took me back all the way to 5th grade where I heard that song nonstop (and didn't get sick of it either) because Kyra was on a massive Wicked kick and that was the one song she would sing. Not Popular, not Defying Gravity, but For Good.

I was so proud of Nikki and her performance of "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked, and I was swept up in the animated performance of "What Is This Feeling?" also from Wicked, by Cassidy and Anna. Even though the senior class in choir is strong, it's also exciting to know that there are such incredible underclassmen and I'm also a little sad too because I won't be able to see them perform next year (hopefully most of all fine arts concerts will be livestreamed though!).

Also a week ago (May 6) was Superstate and it was a little bittersweet on so many accounts. Firstly, it did suck not to win Superstate last year (although I still maintain that our performance of Husa's "Music for Prague 1968" was incredible and powerful and too bad that the judges said that they couldn't follow the score, we did do the piece justice). It was also sad knowing it would be my last Superstate performance. I also knew that our band wouldn't win because we were so inexperienced (a lot of amazing seniors graduated last year so our band is very new and filled with talented underclassmen, but they still need a few more years in wind ensemble to reach their true potential). And Berlioz's Symphony Fantastique is an incredibly hard piece to play (we played the 4th and 5th movements) since it's a tone poem and because it was written originally for symphony orchestra, and because it's so well-known, it will always inadvertently be compared to the orchestral recording, and no wind ensemble performance, no matter how good, can truly imitate the timbre of a symphony orchestra and all the distinct colors an orchestra can create. So yes, our performance was good, we played our best and we did our wind ensemble transcription justice, but at the same time, we are a wind ensemble and to play Symphony Fantastique is just simply hard.

Despite Krannert being such a big concert hall and my remembrance of it from last year being very boomy and amplifying everything, our performance was exceedingly clear and all of our notes managed to cut through. We received very little criticism and comments from the judges (one judge turned off his mic to enjoy the performance half way through and another judge simply wrote "Congratulations" on her comment sheet haha). Although we didn't win, although there were blips in our performance and some mistakes came up that never happened before in any rehearsal, we still did play our best and oh well, that's all we could do.

So yes, with the end of high school coming to a close, and all these musical ensembles ending too, I can't help but feel emotional because a large part of my time in high school was revolving around music, and it's a little sad to know that no longer will I be able to dedicate such a large portion of my time to music, but I'm also thankful for all the memories I've made and the people I've met and the incredible places I've gone to to perform such awesome repertoire.

Des Plaines River Trail

May 8, 2016

Today I was supposed to run 10 miles and with all that mileage at my disposal, I finally ran on part of the Des Plaines River Trail. I hit the Old School Forest Preserve and as I jogged along those beige gravel paths that felt so good on my knees, I had massive flashback moments to my childhood when my family would take long bike rides on these trails. I marveled at how this trail, originally what had been such an arduous journey via bicycle, has now become something so easy for me to experience by running. I've come a long way athletically since then.

Also on the path, I saw one deer grazing, and then as I stopped to take pictures of her, I noticed that there was another doe behind her.

My run was very scenic and pretty, however the sky was overcast. I apologize for these pretty low-quality photos, but I assure you, it was a feel good run (despite the crazy distance that I ran) and it was feel good weather with feel good scenery.

at the start of the DPR trails

on my way back

This wasn't part of my run, but the sky was so pretty that I had to take a picture of our apple tree. 

Blue Jay

May 1, 2016

Today is the official date to respond to colleges (for most colleges, that is). I actually committed at 10:48pm on April 29 (so my letters are technically not out of order), but I figured that today would be a good day to post to congratulate all seniors on committing. I suppose B could stand for Brown University for Isaiah too. And Boston University and all other B colleges B just because boy oh boy every college is best today.

So yes, I did commit to Johns Hopkins University for Biomedical Engineering (BME) and I am officially now a Blue Jay! It sounds so cliche and maybe I'm just a sappy romantic idealist, but I do believe that there's a perfect college for everyone, even if it takes some time for the college to grow on someone. Originally, I walked into this whole college application process clueless as to where I wanted to go and what I want to do with my life. Very little has changed because I still am very much okay with my current plans for BME to change completely if that's what ends up happening. It wasn't until a few days after receiving my Hopkins acceptance, that I reality hit me. I am unashamed to say that I burst into tears after receiving my acceptance and I had to excuse myself from Consumer Management to go call my parents and dry my face that was sticky with tears (because I was a bad student and checked my application status a minute after class had started). For days after my acceptance, I would forget that I got into Hopkins, stop what I was doing and remind myself, and then find myself smiling really widely and almost crying because of how warm and fuzzy I felt inside.

I put off committing for various reasons. It's hard to contend with how expensive Hopkins is. Hands down, it's the best place for BME. But for me, UIUC was still on the table purely because of cost. I will admit that UMich's gothic style architecture forever will aways be beautiful and that the colonial style architecture is still growing on me (Tony and I have been having some architectural talks about this still). So even though I had the most violent reaction to Hopkins, it still was not initially the place I hands-down wanted to attend.

I sent a long sappy rambling mess of an email to my AP Lit teacher Mr. Curry, who wrote one of my letters of recommendation, because I wanted him to know my relationship with Hopkins. I'll share some below, hopefully this time it will be more coherent and concise.

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I first found out about Hopkins in middle school through a google search for the best medical schools in the US. Of course these rankings should always be taken with a grain of salt, but Hopkins was listed as one of the top, if not number one at that moment, and so 7th grade Lucy told herself that she would strive for Hopkins. It also was a massive perk that the Hopkin's mascot is a bird and that 7th grade Lucy was obsessed with birds (and she still is now). 

Starting high school, I decided I didn't want to go to med school, so Hopkins faded from my mind. I visited the campus during the spring break of my junior year and did not like the campus at all, partially because it was a cloudy and rainy day (and what campus actually looks pretty when everything is grey grey grey?) and also because it was the last college visit after a whole slew of Ivies. Again, I was and still am partial to gothic over colonial, and so the Hopkin's campus was very

unimpressive. I was almost not going to apply, but I figured, what the hell, it's ranked #1 for BME and I doubt I can get in, but there's no harm in trying.

Even after receiving my acceptance letter from Hopkins, I still didn’t feel solidly that I wanted to go there for sure. But the more I thought about it, about its proximity to NIH and DC, about the incredible BME program and the amazing resources it offers, Hopkins slowly grew on me. Attending SOHOP from April 6-7 sealed the deal. The campus of Hopkins is small, sure, but I actually liked that it was so easily walkable (because I am a habitually late person and therefore can run to class and still be on time) and that in 1.5 days spent on campus during SOHOP, I could find my way around decently without burying my head in a map. April 6 was a gorgeous day, the sun was shining and the buds were beginning to blossom on the trees and the Hopkins campus took my breath away at how gorgeous it was. It was this quaint beauty, not like the powerful, intricate gothic beauty, but it was certainly a campus that I could live on and be happy on. The people I met at SOHOP, all these admitted students and current students, were all so talented and accomplished, but also humble and kind at the same time. I didn’t get to visit Baltimore during SOHOP and so what I know of it is limited to pictures and videos, as well as my brief visit to Inner Harbor during my first visit to Hopkins. Baltimore is still growing on me slowly. Of course I’ll be swamped in work because BME is an intensive major, but I’m excited to explore Baltimore. It does feel like a collegetown after living so close to Chicago for all of my life and after living in DC this past summer, but that makes me feel better about it because I like that it’s smaller. I love that there are these neighborhoods with distinct personalities and I love the artsy, indie vibe that Baltimore has. Of course, Inner Harbor will never hold a candle to Navy Pier, and I will miss Lake Michigan dearly, along with other things, but then again, I still haven’t given Baltimore a fair chance to shine, and I will definitely explore and embrace this city in the fall.

I guess my decision on Hopkins is less that I felt that Hopkins is right for me, and more that no other school felt right for me, even the ones I didn’t apply to or the ones I didn’t get into, and that for me to think about going to any other school but Hopkins just didn’t feel right. Seri mentioned a sound piece of advice, where she told me “flip a coin, heads for Hopkins, tails for UIUC. If it lands tails, then you’re going to UIUC. But if you have even the slightest weird feeling about it, then you’re going to Hopkins.” I didn’t have a coin with me at that moment, but I told myself, “Okay, you’re going to UIUC.” And my heart just sank. Something didn’t feel right and so I decided then that I was going to Hopkins.

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Wow that was a lot and it was still rambly. I wish I could give concrete pieces of advice to current juniors and anyone else who will eventually go through the college application process, but I am not like Emerson and cannot create powerful, motivational, standalone sentences.

In total, I applied to 16 schools. I know, it’s a lot. Thankfully I could reuse essays for some of them and a few didn’t require an essay and/or were free applications. Sure, I did many apps last minute too which is not ideal either. But in the end, you’re going to get into a college, and over time, whether it takes you a second or the full 4 years you spend there, you’re going to end up coming to terms with it and it’s going to grow on you. Love at first sight doesn’t exist, or if it does, it’s very rare. But humans are adaptable and humans are eager to love and accept the circumstances and make the best out of it. We’re all innate optimists and and because of that, I can say with confidence that wherever you end up going, everything is going to be alright.

Congratulations Class of 2016 for deciding on where you’ll be heading for the next chapter of your lives. As I mentioned on my facebook post, please keep in touch with me, let me know how you are doing, how you are feeling. Send me pictures of your campus, of your dorm, of the view outside your window, of the city or forest you are surrounded by. All I ask is that you don’t forget me, okay? I will remember you, and I hope you will remember me too.